Here's some quick 101 on yours truly I am a huge mental case. This is not a joke. I am completely 100% serious. I am what one might call a Hypochondriac with some mild OCD because of that.
Oh I'm really good at hiding most of my habits because I realized pretty quickly its not normal to be so spaztastic...It makes people think your weird. I mean society has it's unwritten rules about what they deem to be normal behavior and what makes you a complete outcast. I'm not saying that it's good or bad, I'm just saying that it's true.
So let me welcome you into my mind for a bit. At any given moment this is what is running through my head, 'Was that freckle there yesterday' 'I have a headache, it must be a brain tumor' 'Where did this bruise come from, I must have cancer'...Etc...And this is a constant thing..it never really shuts off. I'm always thinking about death. I know it's creepy, it's not because I'm suicidal or anything like that so don't go freaking out. It's only that I am always assuming that I am dying, and I know logically that I am not dying, but when I get in this mode it's like I have no logical thought process at all. It's like I'm two people almost and when the crazy me takes over and the calm me just stands on the sidelines and watches. These thoughts can consume me at times pretty severely and that's when I get become Spazerilla.
Let me give you an examples of my spaziness:
1. I can't touch raw meat, if I do then I will spend about ten minutes washing and rewashing my hands in scolding hot water even though it hurts. And then spend another fifteen minutes after that worrying that I didn't get my hands clean enough.
2. I can't eat any meat that is at all pink or I feel isn't cooked to my standards.
3. I can't handle chemicals...and by that I mean cleaning products or like bug sprays or things that could also cause me hard. When I do force myself I have to use gloves and the entire time I'm completely stressed that it is going to get on me or into my body....
4. I get panic attacks over this stuff.
Do you see how illogical all that is? I mean sure it's good to think about safety but I mean I go way over the top and trust me I don't want to be like that, it's frustrating when you know that you are being completely ridiculous but you can't stop yourself from responding that way. It's not something that I can easily just tell myself not to do, even though I wish it were.
I have gotten a lot better then I used to be, and I work at it daily to try to correct my way of thinking or at least bring myself under control. I mean mental health isn't something people really focus a lot of time on, but just like physical health if you don't take care of yourself, you can get very unhealthy. I should know. I am a huge mental case. This is only one of my problems amongst others but all of them come from what I like to call a distorted way of thinking. I'm not saying I am bad or that anyone like me is bad. I'm just acknowledging that I have a problem because it effects the quality of my life in a negative way.
My Life motto is this:
Be honest with yourself and Be honest with others. This is just taking my own advice. I have nothing to hide. I love myself for who I am, even the parts of me that make me Spazerific!
Once again this is my manifesto.
No comments:
Post a Comment