Something is wrong...

Something is seriously wrong with the world...
I look around me and all I see is hatred, poverty, selfishness, vanity...

Nobody knows whats going on around them, and they don't care...My generation, were so blind to what is happening right outside our front door. We don't think about the struggles of our neighbors, the people in our community, the people in our country...let alone the people of other nations. I know I am part of the problem as well. I can't point fingers without pointing a couple at the girl in the mirror. It's sickening what I see... How did we get here? And who will care if we don't start?

WHERE IS OUR VOICE?! Have we remained silent for so long that we have forgotten what its like to stand up for anything? We've sold out for safety, and security that we thought we would get. For the laws we thought we would always have. But all they have been doing is feeding us, and fattening us up, getting us comfortable. Slowly taking away all those freedoms that our brothers and sisters are fighting to protect...

The problem is us. We can't fix humanity by killing, hating, starving, prejudice, poverty.

I do not want to be apart of something like that. People have told me that I should just go live in another country if I'm not satisfied because I have alot more rights then other people... That has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. But you're right I'm not satisfied. I'm angry. I'm not just angry for everyone. I'm angry for the people I've watch struggle to just put food on there tables. For the people who were told they could achieve the american dream. For the people that lost there loved ones to such a pointless war. For all the people who lost there homes and had nowhere to go. For the people that told me that my friends and I would have a future but then they stole it all from us because even if we can afford to go to college, there aren't any jobs for us once we get out. You're damn right I'm not satisfied.

I am not anyone special. I am not liberal. I am not republican. I am just someone with a voice...someone who is tired of what they see.

"Could you please not speak anymore?"

Hello bloggers, sorry I've been gone for a bit. I got pretty ill but I am back from my sickness and almost back to full health so that is wonderful.

Now to what I really wanted to talk about...Have you ever just met someone before and you try really hard to like them, but you cant? Well that is exactly what happened to me. I tried really hard to like this girl and at first I did, for about fifteen minutes and then I realized that I actually felt quite the opposite towards her. She just has all the qualities and flaws that I dislike in a person...I mean she really has ALL of them. Not to mention her voice is extremely annoying and I can't listen to that for an extended period of time and still like her...I don't know how anyone could. I guess this is one of those situations where the line, "There's always one" might apply. Your always going to have one of "those" in a group. And since I consider the rest of the people I met to be extremely cool, then it was bound to happen eventually. It's just to bad that I have to be stuck around this person for good chunks of time...

My motto: Sometimes you're going to have to deal with things you don't like, but just remember the things that are good and it will make dealing with those things whatever they may be...a little bit easier.

This is my Manifesto

"You're right back where you started from"

I've noticed something about myself...I think that I go through these cycles. I find myself--> then I grow and experience life (everything is going pretty good at this point in the cycle)--> Then it all starts to unravel (Stressful and maybe even tramatic things happen during this part)-->Then I die...in a manner of speaking (Basically I lose what I feel are important things to me)-->Then I go through this period of Channeling as I like to call it (Basically I revaluate myself entirely and work on myself) Usually this is when I will make a big decision, usually I change location to separate my old life from my new life-->and thus I begin the cycle again.

I really wish there was a way to break this cycle, cause I'm not really happy with it. I just feel like there must be a better way for me to learn life lessons. But obviously the universe believes that for me as an individual this is the best way for me to make my journey through life. No matter how much I protest, it always happens this way. Which makes me feel like I am always looking around the next bush or waiting for that shoe to fall because I know with every good thing there is always a bad thing. How the does the saying go: "For every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction"...I'm pretty sure I'm applying that right...but who the fuck knows. Not me obviously.

All I guess I'm really trying to say is that I feel like I never actually get anywhere because I always end up right back where I started, and maybe we all feel that way. Maybe that's the way life is suppose to be. I don't know. I'm as clueless as the next person. I just want to know that I am accomplishing something in life. That I am changing even though I can't see it. I think that we all want that.

Do all of my posts sounds as depressing and sappy as I think they do? I swear that I am not like that really. I just have lots of deep thoughts.

My Motto: Just learn to live you're life. Don't let people push you onto a path just because it will make them happy. Life is hard enough already, don't make it harder on yourself but trying to live it for someone else.

This is my Manifesto

"Why are you Judging these people?"

Why do people judge other people? Like I am just wondering if there is a book somewhere that says exactly how a person should be and how they shouldn't? Cause if not what are people basing these judgements off of? I'm not trying to say there is no right or wrong, cause I definitely believe in right and wrong, but I meant judgements more as in, who someone is, how they should act, how they should look...all that fun stuff. Maybe that is the main reason we have so many problems, we all have this thing in us that wants to form this idea of perfection, or what is the best way to be, and when people fall outside of that vision...BAM!! JUDGEMENT!!

I think it's hard for us as humans not to judge, and if I said I didn't do that it would make me a liar as well. I just try my hardest not to allow myself to judge others, because who am I? I'm nobody special just another human being amongst the rest. People have a right to be who they were born to be, and not me or anyone else on this earth should really have the right to try and diminish them for that. I'm not trying to preach at anyone, or spread anymore hate. I am just explaining some thoughts I've been having.

My motto: Try to approach people and situations with an attitude and a mindset of understanding. It doesn't mean you have to agree or even really understand, but attempting too, will really help the way you view others and the world around you. Who knows, you might even learn something.

For now, This is my Manifesto

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead"

There are times when I have so much to say that I am not even sure what I should say. I hate wasting time. So a lot of times I measure my thoughts by this concept that, "is this worth thinking or speaking about or is it just going to waste mine or someone else's time? How important is this really?" And I'm sure I am not the only human on the earth that lives like this, but I think that maybe sometimes this form of evaluating my thoughts or issues or problems or whatever is flawed. The only reason I think that is because it is easy for me to deflect issues that I should actually deal with because they actually seriously effect me, but who wants to deal with the things that might cause them to feel any form of discomfort. Not me, that's for sure.

So this blog might be more serious but sometimes life calls for a serious moment, right?

I was watching this show recently called Life Unexpected. I'm not going to explain the show because that's not how I want to spend my time in this blog, but this last episode I watched made me really think about myself. Deeply.

Obviously if you have read any of my blog entry's so far, you'll notice that I am getting over a past relationship.Whatever. Not the point. I think the point I'm trying to make is that there are times when I have though that maybe I'm not good enough. That maybe I am too damaged for someone to stick around. I'm not looking for pity, so please wipe the slate clean but I need to explain why I feel this way. My parent's got divorced when I was just a little kid, I don't ever really remember having a dad. A girl needs her father. This is something I deeply believe. Then of course I grew up which my home life was actually pretty great, but I had other issues outside of the home. I really don't want to have a Dr. Phil session, but bad things were done to me. So I never really thought to much about dating. I didn't even get my first kiss until I was nineteen! I know right?

I do have to say I've never felt more loved or complete then I did when I was with my Ex-boyfriend. It felt so right to finally let someone into my life and to actually trust them. Someone that made me feel like I mattered, and that I was a part of something bigger then myself. I mean I have great friends and family that give me feelings similar to that, but just it was so different. No one had ever taken the time to love me like that. To take care of me like that. To listen to me like that. And no one has ever hurt me or betrayed me as deeply as that person did. Loving someone is a choice. Sure you have feelings...but you make the choice to follow those feelings, and you make the choice to walk away from those feelings as well. I wish I could say that it ended because life just happens...but that would be a lie. And I don't want to lie, not to myself or to others.

I am not okay. I'm really screwed up on the inside from all the lies, and the selfishness it's effected me deeply. All I ever wanted was just to belong somewhere, to finally feel like a piece of me wasn't being forgotten or overlooked. All I wanted was just for someone to want to keep me around even after they saw the parts of me that were broken. All I wanted was to be good enough for someone. I sound like I'm having a pity party. And who knows maybe I am. But these are the things that I have had to live with because of other peoples choices.


All these people made me believe that I wasn't good enough, and that I wasn't worth anything more then just to be a body to fulfill some sort of need in them. I have hated others. I've hated myself. But none of that fixed the problem. So maybe that's what I am trying to say...I have a problem. I'm really hurt. I'm really scared. And I am very human.

But there is something that all of this has taught me, a reason and rhyme to this whole post.
People are going to disappoint you at someone point, and it's going to hurt a lot and it's probably not fair. But learn to recognize the difference of when it's something you did and when it's actually just that there is something wrong within the other person. You can't make someone care for you and you can't make someone not care for you. It's all on them.

My motto: Don't let other people's decisions effect how you view yourself. The truth is often times, there is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with them. Something they need to work on. Don't put there burden on yourself.

This is my Manifesto

"Grown-up equals Responsibility"

Sometimes it's easy to not take responsibility for the things that we do, and to blame it on other people, or make excuses as to why it's okay...But honestly it's just a sign of our own immaturity.We will all be wrong at some point or other, maybe it's something we will say or something we will do but it will be wrong, because it will hurt other people and maybe ourselves. All this is to be expected considering we're humans and therefore not perfect, but even that doesn't excuse us.

I can say this about myself. I hate being wrong, absolutely hate it, but I will be the first one willing to admit it when I am. Sometimes I don't realize I've done something wrong because it was unintentional, but with my friends, I've tried to build a relationships that are open and honest. This way they can point out to me when I need to change or correct something that I have done or am doing. So in my eyes, it's all about being strong enough to take responsibility for yourself.

Motto: Be willing to admit your wrongs and take on the responsibility of making them right.

For now, This is my Manifesto

"Musica is Me Gusta"

Yeah, what about that title? Pretty awesome I know...though I am not too sure I used those words right, which probably means that title makes no sense, but the concept is clear. Music is very good. If the concept of music were a person I would make sweet sweet passionate love to it, and then in the morning bring it breakfast in bed. I would say it's safe to say that my obsession is music. I have eargasms at least ten times a day. It's FANTASTIC!

Anyway... I actually wanted to take a moment away from my normal blogs to post this blog. At the bottom of my page there is a list of  some artists that I really enjoy, some you may have heard of others maybe not so much. I would seriously encourage you to check them out, good music can do great things for the human soul.

And here are some people I'd like the add to my list but am to lazy at the moment to do so:
Meese

White Rabbits

Silversun Pickups

Ha Ha Tonka

...Also I just wanted to say...that I am still adapting to blogging, and you'll probably notice my blogs improve as I go along. I may even do some Vlogs {GASP!} I may be shunned from the blogging community for that last comment...Cause this isn't youtube Ashley! I know, I know. But I don't think it would hurt to have some visual interaction. Just a thought. I'm throwing it out there.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Enjoy. I will now return you to the usual blogging experience you will find on my page.